When No One Asks How Dad Is Doing: A Wake-Up Call - Paternal Post-Partum Depression

I’ll admit it—this was something I hadn’t seriously considered before...

When we talk about post-partum depression, our minds almost automatically go to mothers. And understandably so. Pregnancy, delivery, dramatic hormonal shifts, physical recovery, sleep deprivation—it all places new moms at a very real risk for depression and anxiety after childbirth. This is something medicine has rightly focused on for decades.

But what happens when we don’t ask how dad is doing?

That question was raised in a study that genuinely stopped me in my tracks. The researchers worked in what they called a “Two-Generation” clinic—one designed to care for infants and their mothers together. Over time, they realized something was missing: no one was paying attention to the fathers. So they began screening new dads for depression symptoms in the same way they screened new mothers.

What they found was sobering.

In their patient population, 30% of new fathers met criteria for post-partum depression. Even in broader studies, where demographics differ, rates are still estimated between 8–13%. That’s not rare. That’s common enough that we should be talking about it openly.

The higher rate in this particular study was attributed to increased life stressors within the population—financial strain, work instability, limited support systems. But regardless of the exact percentage, the message is clear: post-partum depression is not just a maternal issue.

The fathers in the study reported overwhelming stress, fear, and significant challenges balancing work, finances, and family life. Many felt pressure to “hold it together” while supporting their partners and caring for a newborn. And here’s an important piece that often gets overlooked—the mental health of fathers was strongly linked to the mental health of mothers. When dads were struggling, moms were more likely to struggle as well. Depression in one parent often feeds depression in the other, creating a cycle that affects the entire household.

Some of the most telling insights didn’t even come from formal screening tools. They came from simple conversations. Clinic staff noticed that when they casually talked with fathers during pediatric visits, dads would open up—quietly. They admitted feeling overwhelmed and stressed, but many said they didn’t want their partners to know. They didn’t want to “add to her burden.” As is so often the case, these men were putting themselves last—skipping opportunities for care so their children and wives could receive attention without worry.

I see echoes of this pattern in our own clinic. We tend to care for more women than men, particularly women who are actively working on their health in preparation for a future pregnancy. Many are thoughtful, intentional, and deeply invested in optimizing their health before bringing another child into the world. Their partners, however, often remain in the background. We may see them once or twice, but the focus stays squarely on the future mom.

And while that focus is important, it may be incomplete.

If we truly want to support healthy pregnancies, healthy families, and healthy children, we have to widen the lens. Paternal health, mental, emotional, metabolic, and hormonal, matters more than we’ve traditionally acknowledged. Fathers don’t just contribute genetics; they contribute environment, emotional stability, stress patterns, and relational health.

Helping individuals and families live healthier, more abundant lives requires us to think beyond the individual sitting in front of us. It requires treating the whole person—and sometimes the whole family.

Sometimes this happens naturally. A dietary change made by one spouse leads to improved health in the other. Couples begin exercising together. Sleep improves. Energy returns. I hear this often from men who tell me they feel better simply because their spouse began prioritizing her own health.

Other times, we need to be more intentional. We need to check in with future fathers—not just after a baby arrives, but before. We need to ask how they’re coping, how they’re sleeping, how they’re handling stress, and whether they feel prepared for the emotional demands of parenthood.

Because when we take care of dads, we’re not taking attention away from moms—we’re strengthening the entire family system.

And sometimes, all it starts with is asking a simple question:“How are you doing?”.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Schedule your first conversation with our Patient Support Team to discuss your symptoms, history, and next steps toward healing.

Learn More

Article in Focus: Sam Wainwright, Rachel Caskey, Aida Rodriguez, Abigail Holicky, Melissa Wagner-Schuman, Anne Elizabeth Glassgow. Screening fathers for postpartum depression in a maternal-child health clinic: a program evaluation in a midwest urban academic medical center. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 2023; 23 (1) DOI: 10.1186/s12884-023-05966-y   Thanks to Science Daily: University of Illinois Chicago. "Should fathers be screened for postpartum depression? Pilot study." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 4 October 2023. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2023/10/231004105219.htm  Accessed October 11, 2023.